The CBC: Literally

When some of my friends heard I was moving to Canada, they were thrilled for me because they "knew" that the media was better here. Specifically, they envied me CBC coverage. I'm not really sure why, except that they also "know" that the BBC news machine is better than broadcast news on this side of the pond, so I suspect that the CBC got some credit by association.

I'm actually not interested enough in media coverage to do a side-by-side comparison of CBC, BBC, NPR, NBC, CNN, whatever, but I suspect at least part of the allure of the BBC is all about the accent. In a workplace, when a crappy idea hits the conference table, those gathered at the table are convinced the crap is a bouquet if the speaker has an accent--any accent--that sounds British.

Anyway, the CBC has what seems to be reasonable news coverage. The evening news is an hour long and it includes at least one, sometimes two, in-depth features. However, its news readers and writers make the same mistakes others make.

Today's example: using "literally" to mean "figuratively." This happened twice in 24 hours, once on yesterday's CBC news at noon (oh yeah: they have news at noon), and once today on a CBC Radio 1 local show. On TV, the weather reader announced that storm systems were moving, literally, in a conga line across the country. On the radio, the host said that they'd interview the manager of a local pet shelter, where the summer heat means it's literally raining cats.

Don't believe it. Canada's a special country, but those things are simply not true. Storm systems here don't grow feet and dance, nor do they precipitate felines instead of water. However, broadcasters here do misuse the language--as do we all, from time to time.

Huh? Ads: Julie "Octopus" Andrews

There's this ad playing here (possibly south of 49, too) that features an animated stay-at-home female octopus who's struggling to keep her home clean and fresh-smelling for her family. The family apparently lives in dry human-land, because the octupus baby sleeps in a crib (occasionally losing one of eight pacifiers) and older octupus children apparently play hockey. (Imagine, if you can, the skate-sharpening fees.)

Furthermore, this stay-at-home octopus sounds exactly like Julie Andrews. If it's not Julie doing the commercial, and I doubt that it is, there's someone out there who can do not only her accent, but the warmth in her voice. It's uncanny.

The product: Airwick Air Fresheners. Because when you think of a smelly home, you automatically assume it's the product of an out-of-their-element, Julie-Andrews-matriarched octopus family. Right?

Why an octopus? Why does she sound like Julie Andrews, other than the fact that everybody loves Julie? Have we all been secretly wondering why Julie's movie sets smell, you know, not so fresh? When Julie sings "Jazz Hot" in Victor/Victoria or twirls in the hills-alive Austrian Alps, who doesn't have an urge to plug in an air freshener?

When I quibble like this, I feel like Dustin Hoffman's character in Tootsie, complaining that tomatoes can't sit down because they don't have knees. He's right, of course; they don't. And I probably will never buy an Airwick plug-in air freshener. Sorry, Julie.

Can't Talk to 'Em

I have a difficult time making small talk with Canadians. For one thing, they're less prone to public, meaningless bonding. Americans are likely to chat up strangers in the grocery line. Canadians aren't.

I know; those statements are gross generalizations. In fact, I'm the living exception--when I lived in the U.S., I rarely felt the need for social bonding. Still, it was nice to know that I could initiate a bit if chitchat, or participate in someone else's, if I felt like it.

When we were in Grand Marais awhile back, I had a great little conversation with the woman working in the bookstore, another with the woman at the bank, and another with a woman working at the national monument at Grand Portage. Gotta love the Minnesotans.

This week, I thought my dry spell north of the 49th parallel had come to an end. I was doing my usual circuit in the gym, where I rarely chitchat with others even though it's a big selling point for this company. I find it difficult to keep the chat going. Also, those who talk a lot usually come with people who are already their friends (and, by the way, rarely get a good workout, so why not just save the gym fees and go for coffee, but that's another matter).

So yesterday while I was chugging away, another woman came in--she was slightly familiar but we hadn't even said "hello" before. Pretty soon, we were chatting away. OK, it was about the weather, but still. I thought I was learning something about passing the time with Canadians without feeling like the Ugly American.

Well, the conversation turned, and guess what--she was born in North Dakota. She grew up in the U.S. and has family in Arizona. She's lived here for many years, but her origins are American.

Sigh. I guess random social connections with Americans living in Canada is a step toward random social connections with Canadians. Not that that's a particular goal, but it would be nice to know it's possible to do.

Ad Nauseum

You'd think, wouldn't you, that having access to only 2.5 channels would cause me to watch less TV. However, you'd be wrong. (Although I don't watch much TV, really.) Having access to less programming, and fewer commercials, actually makes me cranky and overly analytical, particularly about the ads.

It's hard to know what plays in the U.S. and what is unique to Canadian TV. We had a really cute commercial for Diet Pepsi for awhile last winter--in it, Jimmy Fallon and Parker Posey danced on cars in New York on the street, Fame-style, to a jaunty, whistly tune. I found it on YouTube so I could laugh any time I wanted. But when I asked my U.S. friend Trish, who Knows All Things Marketing, about it, it didn't ring a bell.

Normally, we're not that lucky. My current least favorite ad is for toilet tissue. Formerly named Cottonelle, the brand is now named Cashmere. The ad features a woman wrapped in soft-focus white stuff, with a voiceover cooing about how wonderful cashmere is, how soft, blah blah. I like soft toilet tissue as much as the next person, but thinking about cashmere as a toilet tissue is just gross.

And then there are the always-annoying ads for Tim Horton's, but that's a separate post. As is the ridiculous KFC slogan. Yes, I know; I could just watch less TV.

Same Song--and which verse are we up to again?

The City Council in Thunder Bay tonight will consider re-zoning part of the waterfront in the north part of town, formerly Port Arthur. A new Waterfront Development committee has unveiled a multi-bazillion-dollar plan for rejuvenating the waterfront and turning it into a bona fide tourist destination. That will make northwestern Ontario a tourist mecca, for sure.

Also, last week the newspaper had another discussion of "twinning," or four-laning, the highway all the way from Thunder Bay north and east to Nipigon. That will make northwestern Ontario a business mecca, for sure.

Uh-huh.

This summer, I've been going through file folders of junk from my parents' home in Oklahoma. Recently, I ran across two file folders from two different years, both full of interesting (to them) newspaper articles from the Thunder Bay paper in 1992 and 1994.

Both folders contained many articles about--can you guess it? That's right--the "new" waterfront development project and the plans to twin the highway to Nipigon.

At Last...

It's been quite the week on the home front of the war in Afghanistan.

Troops are rotating in from Quebec, where support for the war is weakest.

Two opinion polls, described in the Christian Science Monitor (http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0719/p99s01-duts.html), give new snapshots of how Canadians view their military and this current deployment.

A report commissioned by the UK House of Commons says that Britain and Canada are bearing a disproportionate load in the supposedly all-NATO mission.

And the July 23 issue of Maclean's (Canada's version of Time) has a couple of articles about Afghanistan.

The first, a column by Andrew Potter, is all about "supporting the troops." Potter says people have two "intellectually and morally" honest ways to support the troops: demand that they be brought home or demand that they be given the resources--human, financial, and political--to win.

Meanwhile, a feature by Sean Maloney claims that the two years of effort in Afghanistan are paying off. He says that "the only way the Taliban can win is to generate doubt and fear in Canada." To do that, their strategy is, in part, to attack troops in such a way that produces mass casualties.

I'm no expert. I'm by no means qualified to evaluate Maloney's statements, the methodology of the public opinion polls, or the accuracy of the reporting of their results. I'm just thrilled that Canadians are finally talking about Afghanistan.

Oh--there's also a report from the front I think of as Absurd-istan. This Maclean's also contains a whine by Barbara Amiel, wife of now-convicted felon Conrad Black (who owns Maclean's) about having to move. You see, the four-month lease on their posh digs ran out, and they didn't expect the trial to take this long, and now she has to, like, find another place to live.

Obviously, her column was written before the conviction. In any case, I'm sure the soldiers and civilians being killed in Afghanistan feel her pain.

Anonymous Advertising

You've seen these ads on TV in the U.S.: A man strides through the office, whistling, and everyone knows something is different but can't quite figure out what. A couple sits in folding chairs on a beach, watching a sunset, and the voiceover intones something like, "When the time is right...will you be ready?"

TMI!! TMI!! I don't want to think about another couple's sex life, even if it's a made-up couple on TV. Urg.

In the U.S., ads for prescription medications specify a disease or condition, extol the benefits of a particular medication, and then advise you to call your doctor to see if ___ is right for you. They're ubiquitous and annoying, but at least they're clear, even in the 15-second slots.

By law, Canadian pharmaceutical manufacturers can't specify a disease or condition in connection with a drug. So advertisers have to create recognition without including key information. One ad that's running now for Celebrex features about six different people saying, "This isn't a commercial for..." and naming something related to what they're doing: bowling, for example, or swimming. Then it advises you to consult your physician to see if Celebrex is right for you.

Well, how do I know if I even want to ask? The people taking Celebrex--a mix of men and women who look to be about 55 or older--certainly seem happy and fit. But why are they taking it? Why would I want to ask my physician about it? And given the shortage of family care physicians in northwestern Ontario and Canada as a whole, am I really going to waste valuable time in my next checkup going over a list of medications that may be totally wrong for me?

Advertisers and pharmaceutical companies would argue that drug ads create a public that's better informed about their own health care. I'm not so sure. But at least the ads in the U.S. do give information. Canadians have to rely on Google, where I found out that Celebrex relieves the pain of osteoarthritis.