Inner Critic

North American cultures make a big deal of graduations. Perhaps the party industry has a hand in that. If Grade 8 graduation is as big a deal as Grade 12 graduation, that means more dresses, decorations, and cake get sold. More limousines and tuxes rented. More cash registers beeping.

But for all that graduation is supposed to be a turning point--the beginning of the rest of your life, blah blah blah--who really leaves school behind?

Obviously, we should. But be truthful: when the popular girl from high school deigned to friend you on Facebook, you did a "squee!" You know you did.

But seriously--isn't it time to move on? Perhaps it's time to more carefully select the people with whom you work on the things that are important to you. You may not be in contact (even through Facebook) with the Popular Ones, the Designated Smart Ones, or whoever was your nemesis in the past.

But they probably live on, right there between your ears. They are part of your inner critic, whom you will never please.

As Seth Godin suggests here, the important people are those who will work with you to improve what you're doing. The people who you could never impress or satisfy in high school (or your first job, or your first marriage, or graduate school) are not.

For writers, it's difficult but necessary to find people who will be truthful but positive when giving feedback. Learning how to listen to what they say is another, separate skill, and one that's equally necessary to develop. I'm getting there on both counts.

But it's easier when you can leave behind the comments that those people in your past have made: the snarky workshop leader, the frightened boss, the unimaginative coworker who can't imagine why something is important to you. (Examples, sheer examples. No actual people attached. They know who they are.) Their influence persists, in the voice between my ears, only because I allow it to. But no more.

In this season of transitions, let the sun rise on graduation day!