American Behaving Badly

This just in: Billy Bob Thornton is a jerk, and now all of Canada knows it.

It's difficult when Americans come here and behave badly. I am embarrassed for everyone.

I take a pass on most public figures: George Bush, for example. His behavio(u)r operates in a theatre far larger than anything I can even begin comprehend and has consequences so devastating that we're all still sorting through them. I'm not embarrassed about his eight years in office; I'm incensed. Different. I can still be embarrassed, however, when I see him as a private citizen now, so I try not to watch.

Though I have to say that it's Dick Cheney these days who doesn't seem to understand he's no longer Vice President to George Bush and therefore doesn't run the country anymore. His egregious criticism of the current administration is worse behavio(u)r than I expected, even from someone who shoots his friends and uses the "f" word in the Senate chamber.

But anyway, you get the general rule. Public figures are too hard to be embarrassed about, except when they're personally embarrassing. Not much of a rule, but it's how I have to live.

It has a corollary, which Americans call a "CORE-uh-lair-ee" and Canadians call a "cu-RAH-luh-ree": Everyone from Texas can be considered a public figure. There are just too many Texans in the world acting silly to be embarrassed by. (Note that George Bush is thus a double-whammy.)

And now, back to Billy Bob. Given his history of wearing the blood of his then-wife (who is plenty weird in her own right, since she's Angelina Jolie) in a vial around his neck and his phobia about antique furniture, you'd think it would be hard for him to come across as any more strange.

You'd be wrong. See it here. Summary: Billy Bob and his "band" visit CBC's Q radio show, the nationwide arts and cultural program, ostensibly to play and be interviewed. Though it's a radio program, it's also broadcast on TV and video clips are posted on YouTube. And therefore, in front of a national audience, Billy Bob behaves badly. He is surly and incoherent and combative. His band cringes and talks and tries to make the best of it.

Host Jian Ghomeshi behaves like--well, like a Canadian. You know. Polite. Professional. Sane.

I don't want to embed the video because I'm not sure of Billy Bob's motives. It's possible we're seeing someone who mixed LSD and booze mere moments before the interview. It's possible we're seeing someone with an overweening ego who just felt like behaving badly the morning before opening for Willie Nelson and knew there would be few consequences. (Who cares if 33 million Canadians think you're a jerk?)

But it's possible he's doing a Joaquin Phoenix. As in, "no publicity is bad publicity." And in that case, he's winning. Even I'm playing into it.

However, I found it interesting, in the context of "us wacky Americans."

When I was new here, Canadians often hesitated to mention George Bush, as if they didn't want to wound my feelings in case I voted for him or in case I had the sense to be outraged by him.

Sometimes to get beyond the excess sensitivity, I joke. "I'm an American; I'll sue you" or "Don't forget I'm an American; I have a gun in my purse." I won't and I don't. But we all know what they're thinking, and it cuts the tension if I bring it up first.

Thus, this is my pre-emptive strike. I had hoped he was a Texan so I could use my Texas Corollary, but alas, Billy Bob hails from Hot Springs, Arkansas.

So here we go. Yes, Canada. He's a jerk, too. Sorry he felt the need to inflict himself on you. It's not personal. He's a jerk south of the border, too. And embarrassing everywhere.