Hockey Madness

You can tell a country's values by what it's willing to pay its artists.

Earlier this year, CBC TV lost the rights to the theme song for Hockey Night in Canada.

The tune was written in 1968 (by a woman, Dolores Claman) and bears some resemblance to the "Magnificent Seven" theme--it's the brass. Anyway, you can buy the theme, "Canada's Second National Anthem," in arrangements for various combinations of instruments (played on football fields at halftime from sea to sea to sea) and find out more information about it here.

About 5 years ago, CBC started balking at paying the composer the appropriate fee for use. The composer eventually took CBC to court; problems and wackiness ensued. Finally, CBC dropped the theme this spring. In an incredibly wise marketing move, CTV, the "other" Canada-wide network, immediately snapped it up and will use it for its hockey broadcasts.

So, starting this fall CBC has the NHL contract and no theme to attach to it. It's like watching the Patriots run onto the field to utter silence instead of the (probably rhetorical) question, "Are you ready for some football?" Even non-musicians rely on songs to help set a mood, particularly in relation to sports.

What is CBC doing? Why, running a contest, of course. Instead of asking for a "theme song," they want an "anthem." They'll pay $100,000 and half the royalties and give "bragging rights" to the winner.

You can't imagine that I care about hockey, and you're right. Here are my two reasons for bringing this up at all.

First, if they can cough up $100,000 for some Joe-eh Basement Musician to write a theme on his electronic keyboard, why on earth did they not just continue to pay the professional musician who wrote an incredibly popular theme? I suppose someone somewhere has run some numbers, and starting from scratch will build awareness of their programming and this option will end up being cheaper. (Hello, CBC? Someone there has run those numbers, right?)

Second, one of the rules for the new anthem says that it has to boil down to 30 seconds and build excitement for a game that's about to start. Thirty seconds, and $100,000 plus half the royalties.

Meanwhile, Canada's most lucrative prize for literature is the Scotiabank Giller award for the best novel or short story collection; the winner gets $50,000 (raised this year!!) and each finalist gets $5,000. That's for an entire novel. Presumably, the back cover or flap copy boils it down to an equivalent of 30 seconds.

Yes, I know it is at some level impossible to compare creative pursuits. A three-minute (or 30-second) song, a poem, a painting, the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, War and Peace, a new approach to teaching that finally reached the next Einstein--which took the longest to produce? What was the payment per minute? Which will have the most positive effect on the world in the future?

Those questions are impossible to answer. But of $50,000 and $100,000, $100,000 is bigger.

C'mon, CBC--how about equivalent awards for artists in other media? A novelist could live a long time on a $100,000 prize and "bragging rights," if she ever got the chance.