Act Natural

Here's the monologue. Now, what's the setting?

"Just drape your arm around here, and put your hand here, but don't hold on. Loosely. That's it. Turn your head this way. A little more. A little more. That's better. Now shift your feet forward. No, 'forward' toward me. Bend your knees slightly. Hold it, hold it, holdit holdit holdit...NOW. Good, got that one. Now, turn your head up. Look up and ahead. Chin down slightly. No, don't look down. Move your right shoulder back. Back. There, that's it. Now, hold that one. Hold it, hold it, holditholditholdit, and...NOW. Good, got it."

Et cetera.

Nope, not a glamour shot to give as a holiday gift. Or for any other reason.

Not even the picture of the church choir taken on Sunday. I was blowing my nose during one shot. Honestly, people must absolutely say "Are you ready?" Sometimes "candid" is a BAD thing.

Actually, the words above were from a clinical setting--from my mammogram, in fact. It was less painful physically than I remembered, but that might have been the massive endorphins flooding through my system, released by all my laughter at the sheer absurdity of the instructions.

But it's done. I hope it is merely a baseline. If not, I'll hear otherwise, most likely in the new year. So I'm taking off my "take the picture now!" smile for the rest of 2009.

I wasn't going to say something sentimental about the holidays and family--for a change--but it's difficult to escape sentiment at this time of year.

My father was born 93 years ago today. Though he is no longer puttering in his study on this earth, I feel confident that his experience of the afterlife is like that of Jorge Luis Borges: "I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library." With no need to publish research results, too: complete freedom to follow every interesting rabbit trail he runs across. And nobody knocking at the door. That really does sound like Paradise.