New Traditions?

It's American Thanksgiving and, according to my usual tradition, I'm feeling ambivalent about it.

People up here like to ask whether I'm celebrating Thanksgiving -- it's their way of participating in my culture and quite sweet, actually. People south of the border are curious, too -- perhaps imagining a group of miserable ex-pats huddled together around a sad excuse for a turkey dinner.

The thing is, Thanksgiving for me is one of those family holidays that carries a lot of baggage, and it's not the cute kind of baggage with a rolly bag and matching carry-on.

For one thing, the holiday really was always about food. And, I guess, the treat of a few days off from school (for all of us -- professors enjoy a break, too).

In our family, Thanksgiving also kicked off the Christmas holiday -- we were allowed to listen to Christmas music starting on Thanksgiving. Sometimes a few decorations appeared that long weekend as well. The Christmas tree itself had to wait till my father's birthday (and the end of the semester) on December 21.

But other than that, and tearing up the white bread for stuffing in front of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, we didn't have a lot of Thanksgiving traditions.

In fact, as the youngest sibling in my family, I experienced ambivalent Thanksgivings at a younger age than others -- at, say, 10. Older siblings worked on holidays and thus weren't available. Some sibs married, which started the pushme-pullyou of compromise and split traditions: Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other.

Or worse, Thanksgiving with the parents and siblings of the in-law
-- strangers we must pretend are now "family." Then I married a time or two, and started a long string of holidays with people of varying degrees of relation, some of whom don't agree that "enough" mashed potatoes is a vat full, with a gallon of gravy beside. Get this: some people use instant mashed potatoes and store-bought gravy. Seriously.

And don't get me started on the rutabagas (known as "turnips" up here) -- a tradition in my family from the Canadian side, tolerated politely, ignored, or scorned by nearly every group I've had to spend Thanksgiving with.

I've found some logical reasons to feel ambivalent about Thanksgiving as well. Setting aside the cultural myths (that leave out the smallpox in the blankets), Thanksgiving is a holiday of consumption -- Thursday's big dinner at some negotiated point in the day, followed by sandwiches and a football-induced oblivion on the couch, and then Friday's forays into consumer goods and bargains. The opening salvo in the Christmas holiday, which has become an orgy of buying that passes for a celebration of hope and giving in the darkness. Et cetera.

Of course, I have had nice Thanksgiving holidays. Last year in the States was lovely -- I was with a brother's family. I was thrilled to be part of their small group and enjoyed myself immensely.

Maybe that positive experience has sown some seeds that are bearing fruit. This year, I find myself a little less judgmental, a little less dour about Thanksgiving. A friend asked on Sunday if I was planning something special for the day. As usual, I said "No," but then thought, "Why not?"

So I am. Nothing much -- a home-cooked dinner, which I'm proud to say that isn't all that unusual. The only real fancy bit, and even this isn't THAT fancy, is a blueberry cobbler for dessert, made with local berries I froze last August.

I'm listening to Christmas music, too, though to be honest I started earlier in the week (Messiah, because I am lowbrow in my classical music taste, and Soulful Messiah, because of the genius of Quincy's overture and Hallelujah Chorus). Today, I have also broken out Holly Cole's Christmas CD and look forward to Barenaked at the Holidays and whatever else I find in my iPod.

Canadian Christmas music on American Thanksgiving. Blueberry cobbler. A little less cynicism, a litte less judgment, and a lot more gratitude.

These are good traditions to start. And may they continue through the rest of 2009.