Do What?

People sometimes misunderstand each other. (Stop the presses.) What you say when you think you may have misunderstood what someone else said depends on where you are. In the southern part of the U.S., the following conversation happens daily.

He (standing 15 feet away and facing the other direction while she is rummaging through closet for something): Honey, have you seen the xygfrmph?
She (straightening to look at him): Do what?

Yes, while it's acceptable in some cultures to say "huh?" or "pardon?" or "what was that again?," in Arkansas (for example) you can say "do what?"

It's also an acceptable response when the problem isn't simply a hearing problem--when you have heard the words but don't know what the other person means. Which is the reason for this post, now that I've explained the title.

A recent local ad extols the virtues of good-quality tailored suits. It includes this statement: "With a quality suit, it tailors easily to perfection."

Do what? What tailors easily? The suit? Then why not "A quality suit tailors easily to perfection"? You still have a few problems with that statement, of course. For example, all suits are of some quality. They mean "a high-quality suit." Suits themselves don't "tailor"; people wield the needle. And about that "easily": Do suits of some other quality than "quality" "tailor to perfection," wherever that is, only with difficulty?

I think what they really mean is "You can tell a high-quality suit by paying attention to the details" which they already list previously in the commercial. Then: "A high-quality suit, tailored to your individual body structure and taste, will make you look swell." Substitute something else for "swell," like "successful" or "wealthy," which is what they want you to think.

Here's a way to get really DIRECT about what they're selling: "Start with one of our high-quality suits, add the expertise of our staff tailors, and you have the perfect business attire to make you a winner in more than your own mind." (Perhaps stop talking after "winner.")

I know, I know: I'm back on "tomatoes have no knees" territory. But here's the thing: unclear writing dulls the brain. When you hear these commercials as often as we do, you can start to tune out. You might accept that ads are incomprehensible, which means local businesses pay for junk more and more often.

You might even start to think that unclear writing is OK wherever you read it (newspaper) or hear it (radio). And it's simply not. Unclear writing is not OK anywhere. And Thunder Bay copywriters can do better.