Canadian Commercial Content

In case you didn't know, the 2010 Olympics are being held in Vancouver. No, really--they are!

Here's a commercial McDonald's (official sponsor) is running. It's pretty darn cute. Oh come on, it takes 30 seconds and it won't make you crave a Big Mac or anything.



I also think it's pretty darn Canadian, and not just because the golden arches have red maple leafs in them. Here's why.

1. The little girl starts by saying, "Excuse me, Patrick Chan." She also says "please." She also has a specific request (for his autograph) and has an object (water bottle) and pen to do it with. She's prepared and polite. Canadian.

2. Patrick Chan, who hasn't even had the chance to bite into whatever McDonald's sandwich we are supposed to believe he eats, betrays absolutely NO impatience with this little girl. Again, prepared and polite. Also, Patrick Chan is a figure skater. This is a big sport up here. Not as big as hockey, but still big. Canadian.

3. When Patrick Chan hears that he is to sign the bottle for "M-O-M-M-Y," he looks puzzled but doesn't confront the mother directly. Instead, they exchange polite, indirect glances. You could call them shy glances. Canadian.

4. Patrick does his thing, the girl says "thank you," and they all live happily ever after in their separate booths, presumably eating their food and leaving each other alone. Canadian.

Here's how this would have played out in the States.

Woman to friend (pointing and shouting): OMIGOD! That's Patrick Chan!
Restaurant Patrons (all pointing and nudging each other and saying loudly): Patrick Chan? Patrick Chan!
Friend: Who's Patrick Chan?
Woman: Only the best figure skater in the world! He's gonna take gold from all those other figure skaters at the next Olympics and then go on to a multimillion-dollar career!!
Restaurant Patrons: Oh! Wow! Gold medal! Millionaire!
Friend: Wait. Isn't he...Canadian?
GASP, then SILENCE
Woman: Can't be. He's really good. I'm sure he's American. Hey Patrick, wanna sign my water bottle? Hey, anyone got a pen?
Restaurant Patrons (clamoring and thrusting water bottles, t-shirts, and body parts toward Patrick Chan): Yeah! me too!
Patrick Chan (annoyedly): Please, folks, can't I get at least a bite of my Big Mac? It's chock-full of protein, carbs, and veggies...everything I need to keep me going out there on the ice. And frankly, I'm feeling kinda faint."
Woman: Sure, we'll wait.
Restaurant Patrons (clustered around Patrick Chan, watching him go to take a bite): Oooo! Ahhhhh!
Patrick Chan (puts down sandwich good-naturedly): Just kidding. Sure, I'll sign whatever you got! Bring it on!
Shots of him signing everything in sight. Fade out over scene of Patrick Chan and new best American friends all eating sandwiches (supersized, of course).

In short, class, here are the salient features of the American version:

1. They have to explain who the sports hero is because he is not currently in the news. They also have to tie him to money. And they have to pretend he is both obviously the best in the world and American to be worthy of notice.

2. The characters exhibit shouting, pointing, and other behaviour that is questionable in public. They also are unprepared to ask for autographs.

3. Patrick Chan is famous and thus is an object to be stared at. The poor guy can't even eat in peace, which he seems to think is his right even though he's a "public figure" and supposed to represent the company he's shilling for. Americans love this type of contradictory relationship between media figures and the public (Britney Spears, 'nuff said).

4. The tie between the chain's primary product and the personality must be explicit, so that the audience KNOWS why sports figures eat McDonald's food and they should too. Because subtlety doesn't sell down there. And water bottles are temporary, not appetizing, and not food.

5. The final result of the whole thing is boisterous camaraderie. Everybody is part of one big happy American family. A similar phenomenon happens in Canada but rarely and usually in relation to hockey or donuts. Plus it's short-lived.

See? Can-con is a commercial phenomenon, too.

And by the way: Patrick Chan was born in 1990. I think I have socks older than he is. In fact, I'm probably older than everyone in the commercial, with the possible exception of the sandwich. Which has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I'm nearly old as dirt. Which, yes, happens on both sides of the border.

Sigh.